Evan Renaerts

Worth the Risk

January 7, 2008

Early morning rain washes away an overnight dusting of snow; the temperature dances around the freezing mark, while winter and spring look each other over.

A recurring behaviour pattern that I notice is a resistance to go outside of our comfort zones. The comfort zone looks different for every person and it can take time to realize that what is being witnessed is once again the hesitancy to take action when that action feels risky or threatening.

One extremely common way this shows up is when clients are facing an issue where acting and not acting both feel dangerous, either could lead to angering or alienating a customer or threatening a key relationship. The response can be to just stop communicating.

The person who engages in this avoidance strategy believes, in their own mind, that they are just taking the time to consider the best course of action. It isn’t until one or two or three days have gone by and a number of telephone calls and emails have gone unanswered that they realize they are actually in trouble.

Another more troublesome form this pattern can take is where the overwhelmed person begins to tell their customer, their boss, or whoever it is they need to communicate with, the things they believe the other person wants to hear – but not the truth. This type of response usually leads to serious crisis and fast.

Any of us can become frightened, but what is it about these mental/emotional fears that can paralyze or cause us to act irrationally. One thing that becomes obvious after dozens of times addressing this behaviour is that many people live with the fear of making “the fatal mistake,” and this fear can exist regardless of how successful one has been.

Whenever a person is supported to unpack this fear they can easily see how unrealistic it is, which doesn’t mean they will never feel this way again. What can happen is that by looking at the fear one can see that it is the fear itself which blocks the ability to address whatever issues need addressing and it is the fear that needs to be confronted.

The fear of failure is a false (but potent) enemy. Everything that we do in freedom from this fear we can refer to as within our personal comfort zone and all those things we fear, a huge spectrum of circumstances and outcomes, is outside this zone. Simply seeing this truth can make us aware that all of our new growth and success exists out beyond our comfort zone.

Unless we are willing to atrophy as beings, willing to just put in time, then we have to go where we fear to go. We have to do this every day in big and little ways. This means learning to breath into our fears, learning to talk to trusted friends and advisors and mostly it means getting extremely honest with ourselves about what we are doing, and not doing, and why.

The high powered Guru’s of change will tell you that by following their course of action you can forever master your fears and become a zillionaire, just like them. My own experience is that this work is what we call life. Just when we think we have it all figured out we discover another new aspect, some other place we fear to go.

In my own life I endeavour to be radically honest with myself, while being radically kind to myself. This means noticing when I feel frightened and moving toward that fear. I like to think of myself as a fire fighter – I am willing to run into the burning building when everyone else is running out.

I don’t run toward fear out of bravado or to prove anything; I do this because it’s the only way I’ve found that works. Also, it isn’t necessary to throw ourselves off a cliff in order to prove that we are not frightened; all we have to do is keep moving toward the fear, keep leaning into it.

This life is meant to be lived and living is a risk – a risk worth taking.

Evan Renaerts
604 314 0835
evan@evanrenaerts.com